Auction houses represent the interests of the seller, not the buyer. So the whole auction with its ticking clock, live bidding, even the auction chant (the fast paced, “doo I hear 10?, 15 from the man in the hat, 15 dooo I hear 20?”) is meant to create a frenzy that induces you, the bidder, to keep going past the “real” value of the lot. Jussi Pylkkänen, former head of Christie’s (no chanting, but still), talks about how the auctioneer’s pacing can add substantially to the final hammer price (I think he put it at 20%). What’s interesting about online auctions is that a lot of the spectacle is removed, and yet the madness to bid can still grip you.
That’s how I ended up in a life and death bidding war last night, horns locked with some little piece of ****, each move calculated more to inflict psychological damage than to “win” the lot. At this auction, the clock reset with an additional 5 minutes with each new high bid. I would wait until the 30 second mark, just to keep this little ****** ****** glued to his (I know it was a him, psychically) laptop, desperate to end this once and for all. But this wasn’t my first rodeo. I let his high bid stand. I made a salad. 30 seconds on the clock and my bid is in. He bids again immediately (“why needlessly carry this on?”, he’s begging me now, desperate to end this. Because I was born to play this game, *******).
This is to say that I did win the painting but I may have overpaid. The painting is a project—it’s good, but unsigned, but I think I know who made it, but can I prove it? If I’m right, daddy’s going straight to NY State Health to bid on some health insurance! The house always wins.
For my gorgeous new subscribers: Landed cost (the final cost you pay) = the hammer price (the highest bid) + the premium (a set percentage added to the hammer price that the auction house takes) + shipping (you’re almost always on the hook for this) + sales tax
Also: y’all keep telling me IRL about bids/purchases. SEND PICS/reports on low bids/bidding wars/ etc. We come to this place to share.
To the listings!
The world of sofas is in disarray. The pandemic home shopping spree, the Italian post-war design craze, and the social media-ification of interiors led to a flood of avant-garde seating dupes: “Cameleonda” has 21 million search results on TikTok. I thought the Mah Jong would be next, but it’s survived relatively intact. This Mah Jong is Gaultier, so you won’t be seeing it on Wayfair soon. The pink granny prints with the black and white photo print? This will not be cheap but it’s special. Gay guys with deep pockets…who will heed the call?
So Lara Croft. No idea what it is or what it’s for. Each of the facets of the interior pyramids is engraved. I would put a hex on this and give it to that little ****** ****** who bid up my painting.
The ICP gives von Gloeden (1956-1931) an astonishingly rosy bio here that doesn’t say much about the sexual exploitation/class dynamics of the work (creepy old gay, pics of Sicilian boys) which is kind of nuts. But still, a nice print from a master of the form. Von Gloeden worked in this neoclassical style that feels campy, and there’s some cognitive dissonance seeing camp in photography this old. The Fascists smashed thousands of von Gloeden negatives, so these feel precious.
There are 4 of these but you get the vibe best from the one. I like the sickly light colored leather. Growing up, my pediatrician (Ukrainian accent, stick thin, white lab coat and stilettos, blue eye shadow—glamour to a young David) had a huge white leather couch that this reminds me of.
Barley Twist is so back y’all! Shoutout to friend-of-the-stack Erica who’s ahead of the curve on this one. Sound off in the comments if you think it’s time for Erica to move!
Wendy Williams once said that animal prints are not a trend, they’re a way of life. Edward Fields—cool. American. Made rugs for the White House. I’ll do a deep dive some other time. I wish they’d bring back some of the old designs like this.
OK, this week is very Suze Orman: “Yoooouuuuu can’t afford it!” but maybe we can just appreciate this together without bidding. I don’t even like brutalist furniture but this got me. Perfect for my imaginary apartment at the Barbican.
Again, Suze Orman admonition. These are not Jorge Zaluszpin but they are so nice. The color? Also there’s a matching sofa. If I lived in the UK and well, basically every other fact about my life were different, I would buy these!
So we generally keep it light at the Arcades but sometimes reality intrudes. This is by Fritz Faiss [German, (1905-1981)], one of the Nazis’ “degenerate artists”; they destroyed his work and sent Faiss to a labor camp outside Munich (of the 130 prisoners there, he was one of 3 who survived, despite the forced medical experimentation). This is not my favorite painting but it’s moving as a depiction of war from the perspective of the its targeted civilian populations. These may well be Germans cowering from Allied attacks. Our sympathies are a resource on which the state’s killings depend. My sympathies lie with the besieged, even here. Gut yontif!
For all my Judd bros who feel corny post Kim K Judd debacle. If I lived in LA and well, every other fact about my life were different, I’d buy this.
OK you all did super well with my serious listing™️ so here’s two bronzes of ladies going to town on ladies. Again—I need you to stop and think about how labor and capital intensive it is to cast bronze and then think about how this dude did this anyway.
May the hammer fall ever in your favor!